The Dangers of Texting
by Kita Kudai
Summary: Zack Fair, first Class SOLDIER, learns the dangers of texting. You should never text on the job, especially if Sephiroth reads one of the last texts you recieve! Poor, poor puppy.


**I wrote this for one of my very good friends in a spur of the moment sort of thing. She inspired me to write this when she told me about a text conversation she had with another friend. **

**If I owned final fantasy I wouldn't be here on fanfiction…**

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Zack Fair was frowning. It wasn't a normal occurrence for the happy-go-lucky man. The reason for his frown was sitting in his palm. He looked at his cell phone, staring at the message blankly. He had been texting his friend Miku – from accounting. She had sent him a very odd message back and he wasn't quite sure what to make of it. He tilted his head to the side. There was a touch of confusion shining in his eyes as he walked towards Sephiroth's office.

He had been telling her about one of his most recent missions. A few Chocobos had gotten loose from Bill's Chocobo farm. Bill paid to have someone take care of rounding up the fluffy feathered birds. Zack was the only one available so he and a few infantrymen had to go after the birds. Granted, Cloud was one of those infantrymen and Zack was glad to see him again but those birds were nothing but trouble. Just when he thought he had caught the birds they escaped the traps that he had set for them.

He told her that one of the birds had pushed him into the mud several times. He just knew it was the same bird because it would look right at him, wark once or twice and then take off running when he tried to lunge at it. Cloud had only laughed at him before giving the bird the chase himself. The blond had captured more Chocobo than Zack did. The infantrymen gave him a hard time about him.

"_Would you like some epic with that fail of yours, Puppy?" _Miku had texted.

Zack grinned when he figured out something to come back with. He was up for a fun text chat with Miku. She was a fun girl and he could always have a laugh or two while she was around. He could have more fun with her than with Sephiroth or Angeal, before his mentor had gone AWOL. She at least knew the value of a laugh and knew how far to take a joke. So he started punching the keys on his phone as he hummed a slight tune to himself.

"_No but would you like some green eggs with that ham?"_ He had texted back.

He knew that she would be able to come up with something else to throw back at him. She was quick when it came to something like that. She would have made a good Turk if she had been interested in it but she wasn't interested in fighting all the time. She liked a little spice to life but she also liked the normalcy that came with being a non-fighting Shinra employee. Zack was just surprised that he even became friends with Miku. They had both been a little unlucky when they had a run in with Reno – the Turk and somehow they became friends because of it. Not that Zack was complaining.

"_No but would you like some salt with that pepper?"_ Miku quickly responded.

People looked at him strangely as he laughed out loud. Not that he cared or anything. He was always doing something like this. But when he was practically on the ground, laughing his head off, people had to worry, since it normally meant he had a plan to humiliate someone or pull some awesomely outrageous prank on someone. No one was safe when he was planning, especially if he had Miku or Reno in on the prank. Granted the three of them had to lie low for a few days while everyone calmed down. In fact, occasionally they would even get Cloud involved.

Last time they had pulled a prank, Sephiroth's hair had become an odd shade of pink. Miku said it was very pretty and brought out the green of his eyes. Sephiroth had tried to decapitate her with Masume and he would have succeeded if Miku hadn't run out the door, laughing all the way. Needless to say the First Class SOLDIER wasn't happy. Zack actually thought he was going to have to be to go to Wutai to escape the man's wrath. But this was fun. He just didn't know why he and Miku hadn't done something like this much earlier.

"_No but would you like some skittles with that chocolate?"_

He winced after he sent it. The message made no sense whatsoever. She was so going to get him for the comment. He could almost hear her laughing at him and he ducked his head in shame. Angeal wouldn't have been too happy to see that he had been outwitted by a practical civilian, if he were still around that was. However, Angeal was gone so Zack didn't really have to worry about being reprimanded for his loss to Miku.

He scowled at the phone, as if it was the technology's fault for his terrible comparison. He could almost see her smiling as she received that text message. He walked into Sephiroth's office still looking at his phone. Before he could start a new text his phone was taken from him. He looked up, seeing that Sephiroth holding his phone in the palm of his hand. Zack paled as he stared at the General holding his phone. He tried to get the phone back. He just prayed to every deity that he knew of that Sephiroth didn't read the message that he simply knew that Miku was going to send him back.

"_Stick that in your juice box and suck it!"_ Miku had typed.

Slowly he looked up at his superior with a hopeful expression on his face. The possible hope filled thoughts had been quickly dashed when he had seen the look on the General's face. He was going to be in so much trouble. It was very unfortunate that Sephiroth couldn't take a joke. It was even more unfortunate when he believed that the text message was aimed at him. _'Gosh darn you Miku… I hate you so much right now…'_ Zack thought gloomily as he tried to look as pathetic as he could, in hopes that Sephiroth would go lightly on him.

He'd get his revenge later. But first, he had to survive a training session with Sephiroth. _'Gaia have mercy on me…'_ He silently begged as Sephiroth tossed his phone aside. The small piece of technology hit the ground, but did not shatter to his relief. However, when Sephiroth reached for his Masume he knew he was in more trouble than he thought. He winced and drew Angeal's Buster Blade, knowing that he would have to defend himself or simply allow the General to slash him to pieces. He rather liked his current, unmarred state so he was going to fight back.

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After training he called Miku. He looked like he had been drug through a cheese grater. His clothes were cut and ripped but he had no scratches on him – since First Class SOLDIERs healed quickly. He had a few bruises, which would have been broken bones on anyone else. There was a particularly nasty bruise on his right cheek that was already darkening into a nasty bluish black color. He impatiently tapped his foot as the phone rang once, then twice. Upon the third ring Miku answered.

"'_allo puppy!"_ She said in a corny accent.

Zack had to fight the temptation to laugh. When he smiled he remembered why he was angry at her because of a ripple of pain in his face from the bruise on his cheek. Then he had to bite his tongue to keep from crying out. If he hadn't gotten the crap kicked out of him by Sephiroth he might have joined in on her fun. Granted he wasn't as good at accents as Reno was but Miku took a close second. She had to do something to entertain herself while answering phones and crunching numbers all day.

"Miku… Not cool, really not cool…" He merely said.

"_You know what Zack? Just 'cause you're accents suck doesn't mean you should bash mine…"_ She teased.

Zack shook his head, disagreeing with her. If only he could talk to her in person. The phone in his hand had gotten him in enough trouble today. As he passed by the mirror in his room he winced. Aerith was going to have a field day for their date the next evening. She was going to fuss over him and when he would try to assure her he was okay she'd start sulking, saying he never let her take care of him and then it would escalade from there. Needless to say it wasn't something he was looking forward to, although having Aerith fussing over him always made him feel pretty good. It meant that someone cared for his well being.

"You weren't the one who had Sephiroth see the last text message you sent," He told her.

Miku fell silent for a moment. He could hear quiet sniggering from the other side of the line. She was trying hard not to laugh at his misfortune. She knew how he felt since Tseng had confiscated her phone from time to time but he was lucky since Sephiroth was the one who read the message. She knew that he was probably lucky to even be standing, let alone talking coherently to her. Sephiroth never really did see the humor in something like the joking conversations and pranks that Miku and Zack enjoyed.

"_Heh… Noob… That's why you never have your phone out around Sephiroth!"_ She laughed, _"So how badly did he own you?"_

Zack wrinkled his nose. He would have liked to have said that he gave Sephiroth a good run for his money but he didn't really do that much. Sephiroth seemed intent on making him suffer for the comment on the stupid phone. Even though Miku was teasing him he knew the accounting girl was worried for his well being. Sephiroth was someone to be feared but Zack felt pretty safe. If the General tried to do him in there would be plenty of people who would try to seek revenge because they liked him.

"So badly that Aerith might think that I'm a freaking chameleon when we go on our date tomorrow night!" Zack complained.

"_Poor puppy…"_ She said.

"Well, I just thought you ought to know, before I go to the medical bay…" Zack told her,

He was trying to stir up some regret in her being. Although, she was pretending to be nonchalant about it she cared deep down, or at least he thought she did. She was a good and loyal friend and that's what counted in the end. He smiled, knowing she give some off handed comment and needle at his self esteem a little more and then leave him hanging. Instead of commenting on how 'cold hearted' she was, he sighed, waiting for her to say her goodbyes.

"_Well, puppy, have fun and beware thieving ninja children!"_ She joked.

With that she hung up. Zack was no longer smiling. She had to mention that one little girl he had met in Wutai! He couldn't beat up a little girl! She made fun of him because he threw a battle to the little girl who tried to steal his materia, only to give it back after he chased her down for it. Shaking his head he went to the medical bay. It was a normal occurrence for him and most of the staff knew him by name now. The last incident he had there was when Reno snuck into a bar with a fake id.

The red head got so drunk that he stripped and when streaking down the hallways of the SOLDIER barracks. Zack and a blushing Cloud chased after him while Miku jogged behind them laughing so hard that she couldn't run straight. She kept bumping into the walls as tears of laughter rolled down her face. Being a part of the Turks had its advantages since Reno was able to confiscate the videos with the image of him running around in his birthday suit. Perhaps he should try to get Reno drunk again. That would cheer him up.

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**I wasn't intending on using an OC for this but none of the other character seemed to fit the mold of the conversation. I mean it would be weird if 'Geal or Genesis had Miku's role. Although, I'd die laughing.**

**Well, read and review please!**


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